Many men, at some point in their lives, realize that while they are deeply committed to their partner, they are simultaneously feeling emotionally or physically unfulfilled. If you love your spouse but feel as though your marriage lacks affection, passion, or intimacy, you may be questioning if you truly love your partner, or if they love you, if you are right for each other, what you can do to improve the situation, if you should look elsewhere to get your needs met, or perhaps even if you should leave the relationship for good.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love offers a framework for understanding different relationship dynamics. According to Sternberg, love consists of three key components:
Intimacy – Emotional closeness, trust, and connection
Passion – Physical attraction and sexual desire
Commitment – Dedication to the partner, and to maintaining the relationship
Different combinations of these elements create eight types of love relationships.
Evaluating your marriage through this lens may help you determine where you stand—and what you can do about it.
1. Non-Love: Staying for the Sake of It
(No intimacy, no passion, no commitment)
If you and your partner feel more like strangers or roommates, you may be in a relationship of "non-love." You’re together out of habit, societal pressure, or convenience rather than a meaningful bond. If you feel emotionally and physically disconnected, it might be time to evaluate whether you’re staying out of comfort or obligation rather than love.
Ask Yourself:
Do I feel like my partner is more of a housemate than a life partner?
Do we avoid deep conversations, intimacy, or any form of connection?
Am I staying just because leaving seems difficult?
2. Liking/Friendship: A Marriage Without Passion
(Intimacy only)
If you and your spouse share a deep emotional connection but lack physical intimacy or attraction, your marriage may have shifted into a friendship. Many long-term relationships fall into this category when passion fades over time, but true love includes more than just companionship.
Ask Yourself:
Do I feel emotionally connected but not physically desired?
Has our marriage become more about co-parenting, finances, or routine than romance?
Do I secretly crave more physical affection but feel guilty for wanting it?
If passion is missing but you still deeply care for your partner, there may be ways to reignite the spark. Honest communication and intentional intimacy-building can help.
3. Infatuation: Passion Without Depth
(Passion only)
Some men find themselves in relationships fueled by lust, but lacking true emotional intimacy or commitment. While infatuation feels exciting, it often fades when real-life struggles arise.
Ask Yourself:
Is our relationship mostly about sex, but lacking deep conversation or connection?
Do I feel alone in my problems because my partner isn’t emotionally available?
Would this relationship survive without physical attraction?
If your marriage once had passion but now feels empty, it might be time to work on strengthening emotional closeness.
4. Empty Love: Commitment Without Connection
(Commitment only)
This is one of the most common types of loveless marriages. You’re committed to your partner, whether due to vows, children, or shared responsibilities, but there’s little emotional connection or passion left.
Ask Yourself:
Do I feel like I’m in a marriage out of duty rather than love?
Have we stopped trying to connect emotionally or physically?
Do I feel lonely even though I’m married?
Staying in a marriage where you feel unseen or undesired can be painful. If you still care for your partner, working on communication, shared experiences, and physical reconnection may help.
5. Romantic Love: Emotionally Close, but Without Commitment
(Intimacy + Passion, but no commitment)
Some men experience deep connection and attraction to their partners but struggle with commitment—either because their partner is distant or because they feel unsure about the future of their relationship.
Ask Yourself:
Do we share passion and deep conversations but struggle to commit long-term?
Do I feel unsure if my partner is as dedicated to the relationship as I am?
Are external factors (distance, life goals, fear of commitment) holding us back?
If you desire a committed, long-term relationship but your partner does not, you may need to reassess whether this relationship aligns with your long-term happiness.
6. Fatuous Love: Commitment Without Emotional Depth
(Passion + Commitment, but no intimacy)
This type of love is often seen in relationships that move quickly, based on physical attraction and the idea of being in love rather than true emotional connection. Over time, if intimacy isn’t built, the marriage may feel hollow.
Ask Yourself:
Did we rush into commitment based on passion alone?
Do I feel like I don’t really “know” my partner deeply?
Is our marriage struggling because we never built emotional intimacy?
If emotional closeness is missing, focusing on meaningful conversations and shared vulnerability can strengthen the relationship.
7. Companionate Love: Deep Connection Without Passion
(Intimacy + Commitment, but no passion)
This is another common type of marriage where couples deeply care for each other and remain committed but lack physical intimacy. While this can work for some, many men feel unfulfilled in a passionless marriage.
Ask Yourself:
Do I love my partner deeply but feel no physical attraction?
Has our sexual intimacy disappeared completely?
Am I afraid to bring this up, fearing rejection or conflict?
If this resonates with you, open communication about physical needs is crucial. You deserve both emotional and physical fulfillment in your marriage.
8. Consummate Love: The Ideal Balance
(Intimacy + Passion + Commitment)
This is the healthiest and most fulfilling type of love, where emotional connection, passion, and commitment are all present. While it takes effort, couples who cultivate all three elements experience the deepest form of relationship satisfaction.
Ask Yourself:
Do I feel emotionally, physically, and relationally fulfilled?
Do we actively nurture our love and keep the passion alive?
Do I feel truly valued and desired in my marriage?
If you’re missing key aspects of this type of love, all hope is not lost—but it requires mutual effort to rebuild.
What If You’re in a Loveless Marriage?If you’ve realized your relationship lacks passion, intimacy, or connection, here are a few steps to consider:
Communicate Honestly – Have an open, vulnerable conversation with your partner about how you feel.
Seek Professional Help – A couples therapist or relationship & intimacy coach can help navigate emotional and physical disconnects-whether this means you exclusively, your and your partner together, or initially just you & intigrating your partner into the program at a later date, at some point in the future.
Prioritize Physical and Emotional Reconnection – Schedule date nights, express affection, and make intimacy a priority.
Assess Your Own Needs – If your partner is unwilling to change or meet your needs, you may need to evaluate whether staying is truly best for you.
A fulfilling relationship should include emotional closeness, physical connection, and a shared commitment. If you’re missing one or more of these, you owe it to yourself to explore whether your marriage can be revived—or if it’s time to move forward in a way that brings you true happiness.
YOU are WORTHY of LOVE, HAPPINESS, and FULFILLMENT!
-Nikki
XoXo
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